6. Would I Have Done Things Any Differently?

. Would I Have Done Things Any Differently? Michelle I walk around the small space and I must say I quite like it. It has the basics for a woman who is going to live alone: an entrance hall, a small living-dining room that connects with the kitchen, which is also not very large; a master bedroom and a smaller guest room, and one and a half bathrooms. Oh, and most importantly, it has a small balcony with some pots of geraniums. The signs are still there. I love geraniums. “So? What do you think?” A kind, older saleswoman smiles at me hopefully, hoping I’ll sign for this place. “I like it a lot. I’ll go for it.” I see her celebrate with a small shout of joy. “Sorry if I’m a bit too excited, but it’s my first sale. It’s been a long time since I stopped working, but now that my husband has passed away, I’ve decided to start over and not stay at home taking care of my grandchildren.” “Did you stop working when you got married?”I ask her, and she nods. “That’s right. I dedicated forty years to my family, and now that my husband is gone, and my children don’t need me, I’ve decided to live life and experience what I should have done many years ago. Be independent, earn your own money. The small satisfactions of life.” I smile at her because what she’s doing seems very brave to me. “I truly congratulate you. I’m doing something similar.” I see she doesn’t understand me and I just smile. “In short, I’m getting divorced after ten years of marriage.” I see surprise on her face. “Ten years? But you look so young.” I shake my head. “No, I’m not anymore, but you can always start over…right?” She just nods. “If you have time, I can invite you for a drink. There are some things you need to read in the contract, which say…shall we go?” “Let’s go!” Mrs. Bianca shows me the place where she’s waiting for me. It’s a small café nearby. I must say I like the place. It feels like time has stood still there. Even the waitresses wear uniforms from the sixties. “I like this place because it makes me feel like I’m in my youth.” I smile at her and follow her. They brought us coffee and a slice of delicious cake. “I think it will become one of my favorite places.” The lady smiles, pleased, and begins to tell me how her husband discovered this place, and they used to come for breakfast on Sundays. “It seems you lived a lovely love story.” I told her with a hint of sadness, but she patted my hand. “All marriages are different. They’re like a game you have to know how to play, but when you find the trick, everything works like a perfect mechanism. I don’t deny we had ups and downs, but the love we had for each other, in the end, overcame everything else.” I listen to her while I drink my coffee. It’s true. When something isn’t well-founded, a simple breeze can knock it down like a house of cards. But when both are focused and love and respect are mutual, nothing and no one can make them separate. “Mine didn’t start well. I think that’s the reason for my failure…” Before I can finish telling my story to the saleswoman, the sound of my phone interrupts the conversation. I look at the screen and a slight smile appears on my face as I recognize the name that pops up. “I need to take this call. Excuse me, Bianca.” She nods understandingly as I get up to hear better. “Hello?” I greeted, bringing the phone to my ear. On the other end, an enthusiastic voice answers. “Hi, Michez! It’s Dylan. I just wanted to let you know that I have got flights… well, actually, my assistant has got flights to return tonight, so I can meet you at the office tomorrow. Does that work for you?” I feel a mix of emotions as I hear his words. On the other hand, the possibility of having work the next day fills me with relief, but on the other hand, a knot forms in my chest at the thought that Ryan and Candace are also coming back, just like Dylan. “Yes, of course, that sounds perfect. Just tell me the time and I’ll be there.” “At nine, he responded with evident enthusiasm, even more than mine. See you tomorrow.” “See you!” I hung up, but the spark that lit up the moment had faded. I return to the table with a strange feeling, the need to leave takes over me. “Bianca, it was the guy who was offering me a job. I have to go. Is that okay?” “Of course,” she replies with a sympathetic smile as she gathers her things, but you leave me intrigued to know all the details. I hope we have another chance to chat. After settling the bill, we headed out. We say goodbye with a hug, and then I head to my car. As soon as I closed the door, I let out a heavy sigh and rested my head on the steering wheel. The time has come. The questions that have tormented me so much fill my mind again. What will they say when they see that I have left? Will they wonder why I’m absent? Or, on the contrary, will they be happy that I’m gone? Whatever the answer, what’s done is done. There’s no turning back. Every day, I’m more convinced that I made the right decision. I start the engine and head to my parents’ house. In two days, I hope to be completely moved in, so I will take advantage of every moment with them before embarking on this new path. ***** That night, my parents prepared a special dinner, as if they wanted to bring back, at least for a few hours, the warmth of days gone by. Before sitting down at the table, they asked if I wanted to go out for a while, take a walk or go somewhere, but the truth is I wasn’t in the mood. Not yet. Maybe in a few days, or perhaps weeks, I’ll manage to recover the Michelle from before, but for now, my heart feels too heavy. So we stayed home and had dinner like in the old days, like when I still lived with them and life seemed simpler. Dad talked about his work with that mix of enthusiasm and exhaustion that has always characterized him, while Mom complained about prices, as if the world had decided to get more expensive just to annoy her. And although my mind is still trapped in the storm, I realize there’s something comforting in that routine. In the familiarity of their voices, in the warmth of the food served with love. For a moment, I almost forgot my sadness. Almost. ***** That night, I couldn’t sleep. Just the thought that very soon I would have to face Ryan ties my stomach in knots. I turned to the side and, almost without realizing it, I caressed the empty space next to me on the bed, as if he were still lying there. Ten years of sleeping next to someone leaves its mark, and that feeling of emptiness won’t disappear overnight. But I know that with patience, I can overcome anything. I picked up the phone to check the time: it was already past midnight. There was no reply from Candace. I wonder if it will always be like this, if she’ll continue refusing to see me, to respond to me, to even acknowledge me. Maybe she always will. Maybe to her, I’m a shadow from the past she prefers to ignore. Or perhaps they’re simply making the most of their last moments together as a “family.” Ha. What a joke. I close my eyes, though my mind resists calm. Unbidden, memories drag me back to the day I found out I was pregnant. I was only nineteen, had just started college, and suddenly, my world changed completely. The news took me by surprise, but the excitement of knowing that our child was growing inside me outweighed any fear, any doubt. I didn’t know when sleep overtook me, or how my mind chose to relive that moment in my dreams. The question filters through the haze of rest: Would I have done things any differently?