- Have You Ever Loved Me?
- Have You Ever Loved Me?
Michelle
Finding time to train Susy was challenging. I had to do it after work, which was exhausting. However, my boss gave me the chance to leave an hour early, so I accepted the change. Two weeks have passed since then, and I’m finally starting to see the fruits of our efforts.
Like Candace, Susy also has a natural talent. It’s no surprise; her uncle was an excellent skater and still retains his skill. He has trained her well, but he lacks the technique to accurately convey what his students need. That was why Dylan sought more opportunities for her.
Today is Saturday, and Candace has finally agreed to come and see my new home. I’ve been eagerly awaiting her. I bought all her favorite things and even paid for a Netflix membership so we could watch movies together. Susy suggested some options she might like, so everything is ready.
When there’s a knock on the door, my heart pounds. I take a deep breath before opening it. There she is, as radiant as ever. I don’t know if it’s my imagination, but she seems taller.
“Sweetheart! Welcome.” I hugged her tightly and gave her several kisses before inviting her in.
Behind her is Ryan. His expression is strange, as if he’s unsure whether he should be here. I debate whether to ignore him or be polite, but if we want to get along for the sake of our daughter, I must set an example. So, after thinking for a moment, I invited him in.
“Do you want to come in?” I ask.
I see him hesitate, but in the end, he accepts.
“Your house is small, Mom,” Candace comments, breaking the silence.
“Yes, it is, but it’s enough for me. Come, I’ll show you my favorite spot.” I took her hand and led her to the small balcony. I’ve added more flowers and a swing with cushions to relax in the evenings. “Here we can watch movies together. I have everything ready.”
Candace looks around the space without saying much. I don’t know if she likes it, but she stops at the railing and looks down. We didn’t have anything like this at home, but I love it.
“It’s alright…” she finally murmurs, and I let out a sigh. She’s a hard girl to impress.
When we returned inside, I saw Ryan looking at my photographs.
“They’re so you. Your three loves,” he suddenly comments.
I don’t understand what he means, so I wait for him to continue.
“I mean, you’re with your parents on this one, with Candace in this other one, and in the last one, skating-your great passion. But I notice that I’m not in any of them. Like in our old house, where there were many photos of us. This just means you don’t love me anymore.”
I don’t know what his intention is with this monologue, so I decided not to respond. I just shrug.
“Mom, where do I put my things?” Candace asks, interrupting the awkward moment.
“Come, I’ll show you.” I took her backpack to the closet in the room.I set up for her, and we returned to the living room so she could say goodbye.
1/4
“What time are you picking her up?” I ask, noticing his hesitation. However, Candace answers before he does.
“I have practice at noon tomorrow, and he’ll pick me up at ten.”
I nodded and watched her run to her father’s arms to say goodbye.
“I love you so much, Daddy. See you tomorrow… you and Aunt Blake.”
Ryan pales at her words, as if afraid it would matter to me.
“She’ll be ready by then.” I smiled at him politely and accompanied him to the door. Candace stays inside, giving us a
moment alone.
“See you tomorrow, Michelle,” he says kindly.
I give a slight grimace in response, but before he closes the door, he stops and looks at me intently.
“Michelle… do you not love me anymore?”
His question caught me off guard. I don’t understand why it’s so important to him. Instead of answering, I decided to
return to the question with a sharper one.
“Did you ever love me? Did you ever even try? Why lie instead of asking for a divorce long ago? Why tell Blake I wouldn’t give you your freedom? From the beginning, I made it clear: we would only be together as long as you wanted. But I would do everything possible for you to love me. Why did you blame me for not wanting to let you go?”
I saw in his face that he didn’t expect me to question him. I didn’t go into this commitment blindly. I knew what we had and what I could expect.
“Because I never thought of asking you for a divorce. I’m cruel and selfish, but I didn’t want to break up our family.”
“I don’t know if that’s worse,” I respond coldly. “You wanted us all to live a lie: me, unaware of the truth; Blake, thinking you
truly wanted to be with her; and you, believing you could keep this up indefinitely.”
Ryan lowers his gaze. There’s nothing left to say. His deceit hurt us all, but most of all, our daughter. And she is the only
thing that really matters now.
“Forgive me, Michelle.” That’s all he says and turns to leave. I just hope this is the last time we touch on this topic. It’s not
healthy. I close the door and lean against it. Only I know how hard this all is. But letting go is an act of love too.
Ryan
I leave Michelle’s apartment and, upon reaching the ground floor, I pause for a moment. I look up. From here, her home
stands out effortlessly, as if claiming its own space amidst the monotony. It’s evident, impossible to ignore. Vibrant,
luminous, different… like her. Michelle is that splash of color on a gray and dull facade.
I let out a sigh, feeling the weight of absence following me like a shadow. When I settled into the car and started the
engine, the realization hit me hard: Michelle took the light from our home. Or rather, she was the light. Without her
presence, the space we once shared seems colder, emptier.
I know Candace tried to seem indifferent, but I know her too well. Even if she doesn’t admit it, she liked being there. I saw it in her eyes when we returned to the living room, that unmistakable glimmer of joy she tried to hide. And it hurt me deeply. Not because my daughter is happy with her mother-that’s all I want-but because I know Michelle is doing everything possible to keep this situation from destroying her. And that, somehow, makes it all hurt more.
I grip the steering wheel tightly, feeling the tension in my fingers. The image of Michelle, striving to keep everything
balanced, keeps circling in my head. It’s ironic. I always thought that if we ever drifted apart, I would be the strong one, the one handling the situation without hesitation. But here I am, feeling more lost than I ever imagined.
2/4
I looked in the rearview mirror. The light from her apartment is still on, glowing in the distance, as if it still wants to reach me. As if it reminds me of what we had, what we were.
I sighed again and finally started the car. The drive home is silent, only interrupted by the purr of the engine and the thoughts that keep crashing into each other.
The ringing of the phone breaks the quiet. I answer using hands-free. It’s my mother.
“Son! You told me you’d come early, and you hadn’t gotten here yet. I bought the desserts that Michelle and my granddaughter like, but you didn’t tell me if you’d be coming with them.”
Her words make me realize it’s time to tell her the truth.
“No, Mom. They’re not coming, just me.”
“Well, then I’ll wait for you.” I can sense a trace of disappointment in her voice, and I can’t help but feel regretful for what I’m about to tell her. In all of this, it’s true that I was the one who failed, and I dragged everyone around us down with me.
When I arrive, I park but don’t rush to go in. Through the windshield, I see my mom waiting for me at the door. She looks better, and at least that gives me a bit of relief amidst the disaster my life has become.
“You’re finally here! We prepare everything you like. Did the girls have something to do on their own?”
“Something like that,” I reply, without giving more explanations.
We go straight to the table, and as she said, everything is arranged with care. Mom chats incessantly, and I try to answer each question without getting lost in my thoughts. I know I can’t postpone it any longer, but the idea of putting into words what has happened feels like another open wound.
“Michelle and Candace are missed,” she says suddenly. Her words fall like a verdict. “They are the light of your life, Ryan.”
I almost smile at the irony. Mom thinks the same as I do.
“That’s why I appreciate Michelle so much,” she continues. “For the great love she has for you. And I know that, despite being a bit cold with her, you love her too. I’ve noticed it.”
I dropped the fork. Mom doesn’t notice and keeps talking, unaware of how each word cuts deep.
“I just wish you were warmer in your treatment. After all, she gave you a daughter and has given you a happy marriage for ten years. Have you told her you love her recently?”
The silence stretches between us. It feels eternal.
I think… I’ve never told her I love her.
“Don’t let routine and indifference snuff out her love,” she says gently, because I assure you, if that girl decides to move on, you won’t be able to win her back. But don’t worry, as long as you’re a good husband, everything will be fine.”
If only she knew her words affect me more than a scolding would.
When we finished eating and moved to the living room, I decided it’s time. In the future, she will keep asking about Michelle, and I can no longer ask her to come and pretend we’re still together.
“Mom, there’s something you should know.” Her expression hardens, her gaze fixed on me as if expecting the worst news. “Michelle and I… we’re getting a divorce.”
Silence falls between us. For what feels like an eternity, she remains seated, processing my words. Without saying anything, she lifts her cup and takes a sip of tea, as if trying to digest the news along with the drink.
“Well… I have no right to comment on your life. If you’ve decided it’s for the best, no one can judge if it’s good or bad. I just hope you’ve made the right decision in letting her go and that it’s not because you traded her for someone else. Someone
3/4
*25 Have You Ever Loved Me?
like that horrible girl, Blake, who was your girlfriend years ago. That woman wasn’t good, and I was very glad when you broke up
My face flushes with shame. I know that when she finds out the truth, she will hate her even more than she already does. My silence seems to confirm her worst suspicions, and I see her turn pale.
“Was it because of her?”
I take my cup of coffee and drink it in one gulp, avoiding her gaze.
“May God forgive your mistakes, Ryan. That’s all I hope for. I thought I’d leave this world in peace, but it seems the devil never rests and has found its way into your home. I won’t say anything more, just… don’t bring her here.”
After that, she calls her caregiver and asks her to help her to her room. She doesn’t even say goodbye to me.
