- What Would I Miss About Him?
- What Would I Miss About Him?
Michelle
If I said the end of the conversation with Ryan was awkward, it would be an understatement. His way of speaking, his tone, the things he said… everything seemed laced with jealousy. But that didn’t make sense. He had never acted that way with me. With Blake, on the other hand, I recall several occasions when he was about to fight with men who showed
interest in her when she was out on the dance floor.
But with me, it was never like that. It never awakened that protective instinct in him when someone looked at me or tried to approach me. And, although it shouldn’t matter to me, a part of me can’t help but wonder why.
I flop onto the bed and sigh, exhausted. I think about everything that has changed in my life in just a month. It’s impressive how everything transforms when you decide to take charge and prioritize yourself. Maybe that’s the secret.
When you don’t give yourself the value you deserve, no one else notices.
That’s what I overlooked for so long, trying to uphold the image of a perfect family.
But time will do its work. Soon, those ten years will begin to fade, and only the valuable will remain: my beloved Candace.
With a sudden urge, I spring up and decide to take a shower. I need to wash off the day’s fatigue and burdens. The hot
water relaxes my muscles, but it doesn’t completely calm the storm in my mind.
Upon leaving the bathroom, I pick up the phone and see I have a message. It’s from my daughter.
“Mommy… I want to go to your house on weekends… can I?”
I read the question one, two, three times. I feel a lump in my throat. Does my little girl want to be with me despite having
gotten what she once wished for?
My fingers tremble as I type the response.
“Of course, my love. It would make me very happy to spend those days with you. We’ll do fun things and eat delicious food. I
love you, daughter.”
And then, unable to help it, tears start rolling down my cheeks. It’s a silent cry at first, but soon it becomes a torrent of
tears.
But what really breaks me is her next message.
“I love you too, mommy.”
In my mind, all the moments spent with her flash before me, from when I first beld her in my arms to this very moment. And, although there was a time when I feared I had lost her, I know I will never stop fighting for her.
Candace lived inside me for thirty-eight weeks. She is a part of me. And giving up on her will never be an option.
I remain clutching the pillow, letting the tears flow freely. They are not just of sadness, but also of relief. Of hope.
Candace wants to see me. She wants to spend time with me. That means that, despite everything, despite the great love for her father, there is also a place for me in her heart.
I take a deep breath and wipe my cheeks with the sleeve of my pajamas. I remind myself that I must be strong, that if I want to reconnect with my daughter, I must be consistent. I need to show her that I will always be here for her, without pressuring her, without making her feel she has to choose between her father and me.
I pick up the phone again and look at the screen. I don’t want the conversation to end there.
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30 What Would I Miss About Him?
“How was your day, my love? We couldn’t talk much and didn’t say goodbye,” I write with my heart racing.
I see the ellipsis indicating that she’s typing. I keep staring at the screen, almost holding my breath. A minute later, her
response arrives.
“Good, Mom. Today I had skating practice and learned a new spin. I think I did okay. But Aunt Blake said it was perfect.”
I close my eyes for a second, trying not to react to the last part.
“The important thing is to keep practicing, and even if it wasn’t perfect, you’ll get better soon.”
“I will, Mom.”
I smile, feeling something inside me fall into place. It’s not a miracle, it’s not an immediate solution to everything that’s
happened, but it’s a step.
And for now, that’s enough.
“I love seeing you so happy. Anything you want to tell me?” Vero watches me with curiosity as she sits across from me in
the office cafeteria.
The day after my conversation with Candace, my mood is noticeably improved. I feel lighter, as if something in my chest
has stopped weighing me down. Vero, of course, doesn’t miss the chance to notice.
“It seems my daughter and I are starting to have that mother-daughter relationship we never had,” I reply with a genuine
smile, “and that makes me very happy.”
“I’m really happy for both of you, Michelle. You deserve it,” she tells me sincerely. Then, leaning a little closer to me, she
adds in a lower tone, “But… honestly… don’t you miss your husband?”
The question catches me off guard, and I stay silent, processing it.
What could I miss about him?
His late arrivals, when he only came home to sleep and, in recent years, after being with his lover? The almost nonexistent
displays of affection? The endless silences at the table, in bed, in our life? The detachment with which he destroyed what
I once thought we could have?
I exhale slowly and look her in the eyes.
“Since I left the house… I haven’t missed him. Maybe, at first, the warmth of his body next to mine at night. But his cold
kisses, his scarce caresses, his indifference… No, there’s nothing to miss.”
Vero watches me with a mix of surprise and compassion. I know what she’s thinking: I was a fool for putting up with it for so long. But I also know I’m not the first or the last woman to have lived through something like this.
She shakes her head, steering away from the topic, and changes her tone to a more cheerful one.
“Well, let’s talk about more interesting things… Have you decided what you’re going to take for the trip? You need to check the weather forecast, pack business suits for the event, and, of course, a spectacular dress for the big dinner.”
Her enthusiasm contrasts with the fear running down my spine.
“Big dinner?” I ask cautiously.
“Yes, it’s the closing event, and as the boss’s partner, you have to look impressive. Do you have an appropriate dress?”
I start thinking, mentally going through my wardrobe. Nothing seems to fit the image Vero is describing.
“I don’t think so… Maybe I should buy something new.”
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* 30. What Would I Miss About Him?
As soon as I say it, her eyes light up, and with almost childlike excitement, she takes out her phone and dials a number.
“Hey boss, reporting from Marketing. Your colleague doesn’t have a dress for the big closing dinner, and we’re going to
find one… Okay.”
She hangs up and smiles at me triumphantly.
“He said to charge it to the company as part of the expenses.”
I open my mouth a couple of times to protest. This doesn’t feel right.
“I think it’s taking advantage. It’s already enough that I got this position over people with more experience, but also asking the company to pay for my clothes… it’s not fair.”
Vero flashes me a mischievous smile.
“It’s not a***e. You’ll be the image of the company, and you must be the best and the most beautiful. Come on, he gave us
the afternoon off. He said he’d ask his brother to train Susy today. He recommended we go to the best dress shop in the
city. Pack everything away.”
There’s no winning against Vero, so I sigh in resignation. I grab my purse, and we head out onto the street.
We arrive at the store, and I must admit, it’s impressive. The quality of the fabrics, the elegant cuts, the impeccable design
of each piece…
“I told you this is one of the best places. The other store is owned by the designer’s mother, but that’s a whole other level.
At Lily’s Dream, we’ll find the perfect dress,” she asserts confidently.
A saleswoman assists us and guides me through the options based on my size and style. The sheer number of dresses
is overwhelming, and it took me a while to decide. In the end, there are two that I really like: one red, fitted to my figure,
and another golden, with a fluid and elegant Greek style.
“You should take both,” says Vero firmly. “You never know when there might be an accident.”
It’s a good point. Without much discussion, Vero winks at the saleswoman, who understands that we’ll take both.
When everything seems set, my gaze drifts to a corner of the store.
The bridal section.
For a moment, I stood still, observing the carefully displayed pieces, each more beautiful than the last. There’s one in
particular that stands out: a classic-cut white dress, with delicate lace and an ethereal veil.
“Our boss and designer specializes in bridal dresses,” the saleswoman tells me softly. “Would you like to try one?”
I’m about to decline when Vero, not giving me time to react, answers for me.
“Yes, please, take it to the fitting room along with the others.”
“Vero…”
“Not a word. Just try it on.”
With no other choice, I let her help me zip it up and gather my hair. The saleswoman returns with some accessories and, on impulse, places the veil on me.
When they lead me to the mirror, my reflection takes my breath away.
For an instant, I saw the girl I was, the one who dreamed of a fairy-tale wedding, the one who believed in eternal love. And even though life didn’t turn out as expected, I can’t help but let my eyes well up with tears.
“You look beautiful, Michelle,” says Vero gently. “Let me take a photo of you.”
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I nod with a slight sigh. It’s just an image. A memory.
But just as she finishes, I hear a voice that makes my skin crawl.
“A wedding dress, Michelle? Are you going to steal someone else’s groom?”
The cynical and biting tone hits me before I have a chance to react.
I look towards the door and there’s Blake standing next to an older woman who looks like her. But it’s Blake’s malicious
smile that reveals everything.
“I actually came to find mine,” she continues, with a sickly sweet venom in her voice, “because in six months I’m going to marry the person who waited for me for a long time and who has loved me so much that he can’t wait to make me his wife in the eyes of the law. Right, Ryan?”
My heart skips a beat at the sound of his name.
Slowly, I turned towards the entrance.
There he is.
Ryan, still my husband, stands in front of us with a strange, unreadable expression.
He says nothing, but it’s not necessary.
Blake’s words land like a dull blow to my chest, but Ryan’s presence, his silence, his inscrutable expression… that’s what
truly shakes me.
I give Vero a slight nod, and she understands immediately. Without saying another word, we returned to the fitting room.
I take off the dress carefully, as if it were a dream that was never mine.
“Thank you, miss,” I said to the saleswoman with a tense smile.
She gives me a look of pity, probably understanding the venom in Blake’s words.
When we leave, they are no longer there.
And, for the first time in a long while, I feel an immense relief at not having to see him anymore.
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