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The soft hum of muffled voices, bending around the corner and seeping into my room, lulled me into a state of relaxation. I couldn’t decipher the words being spoken, but I didn’t need to.
I craved the solitude of my own thoughts, not the opinions of others. I sat alone on my bed, legs crossed, leaning back on my hands for
support.
The aroma of dinner cooking downstairs wafted up, filling the house with a familiar scent. This house was a treasure trove of memories -bittersweet ones. The arguments, the laughter, the screams, and the silences they all lingered, refusing to be forgotten no matter how hard I tried. I sighed, turning my gaze to the window where a tree brushed its branches against the glass.
Pulling my knees into my chest, I rested my head sideways, my eyes drawn to the beckoning branches. I’d climbed that tree more times than I could count, seeking refuge high above the ground when I was upset.
I’d clamber onto the roof, isolating myself from the inhabitants of the house. This place used to feel like a second home, but it didn’t anymore. Not without my grandad. I missed him.
He would join me up here, and we’d talk about everything from sports to science, sharing laughter and stories. He was always proud of my achievements, especially the academic ones. He was my protector, shielding me from my father and, at times, from myself.
I missed his scent, his smile, his terrible jokes that somehow still made me laugh, the comforting weight of his hand on my head, the warmth of his embrace.
But most of all, I missed the way he loved. He loved my grandma with a depth and sincerity that made me envious. I hadn’t experienced that kind of love, not with Drew.
I doubted I ever would. It seemed like guys were too busy chasing after the girls with the shortest skirts, the biggest boobs, and the most artificial smiles.
I remembered the way my grandad would look at my grandma when she wasn’t looking. His face would light up with pure adoration. The laugh lines around his eyes and mouth were a testament to their shared joy.
You could see it in his eyes every time they met hers. He loved her with all his heart. I yearned for someone to look at me like that. Was it so wrong to want that?
It was in moments like these that I despised being alone with my thoughts. I wished he was here, sharing his wisdom, comforting me, making me laugh. This house was a repository of these memories. That’s why I hadn’t returned since his passing, why I’d refused to come back.
But now, sitting here alone, I realized I’d never get to share those moments with him again. He was gone.
He’d never climb those stairs again. He’d never burst through the doors. He’d never sit on the couch with his arm around me. He’d never surprise me at the front door.
I’d never hear his heavy footsteps on the wooden floor in the hallway. I’d never hear his infectious laugh echoing off the walls. I’d never hold his rough hands. I’d never see his eyes.
I’d never hear his voice, ever again.
I hadn`t returned home for Thanksgiving because I knew he wouldn’t be here. It was too much for me, and my family understood. I’d bury myself in my college work instead.
I just couldn’t face coming back here so soon. Despite all the things I’d learned and read over the years, I’d never learned how to deal with death. That was the one thing I couldn’t grasp.
When someone’s gone, you miss the simple things about them, the things you didn’t even realize you cherished when they were still
around. Their quirks, the things that made them unique, the things that made you fall in love with them. Even the things you didn’t like about them, but accepted anyway.
The buzz of my phone in my pocket jolted me out of my reverie. If it hadn’t, I would have been crying alone in my room, given a few more minutes with my thoughts.
Glancing down, I saw Wes was FaceTiming me. Crap! I’d forgotten to call him when I woke up this morning! I quickly answered before it stopped ringing.
“There she is!” he beamed through the phone.
“Hey, Wes! I’m so sorry I forgot to call you. It completely slipped my mind. I was running around helping my mom with the food and stuff. I’m sorry!” I apologized.
He laughed, “Hey, it’s alright. Just checking in on you. I forgive you. How is everyone?”
“Is that Wes? Wes!?!?!” Knox poked his head into my room, racing in and jumping on my bed to grab my phone from my hand.
“Hey man! What’s up? How’s the family? Aren’t you supposed to be training?” Wes asked.
“Hey bro! They’re good, my mom keeps asking about you! We have the week off this week, so I’m taking full advantage of it.
I have to meet with my agent next week here so I’ll be staying back a while longer when everyone has left, so I get some me time.
Maybe I might get some privacy if you know what I mean,” he wiggled his eyebrows at Wes as if I wasn’t sitting right next to him.
“Eh ew! You know I’m right here!” I scrunched my face up at him.
While he grinned at me, “You never know, baby doll, you might be the lucky lady.” I rolled my eyes at him while Wes snorted out a laugh.
“Yeah, Knox, that’ll never happen! You’d have better luck getting Brett into your bed quicker than Alex!” he smirked, shaking his head.
“We’ll see,” he smugly said to both of us.
I quickly reclaimed my phone from Knox, eager to continue my conversation with Wes. “As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, I’m doing well. Thanks for checking in. My mom can’t stop singing your praises!”
“Yeah, Saint Wes,” Knox muttered under his breath. I caught his comment, but Wes didn’t.
“That’s good to hear. I think your mom has a thing for me! Try not to be jealous,” Wes teased, and Knox snorted, looking up at me from where he was sprawled out on my bed, propped up on one elbow.
I laughed and turned my attention back to the phone. Rising from the bed, I walked over to a table near the wall where a picture of me and my grandad sat.
“I’ll try not to be jealous, Wes. I know how irresistible you are,” I replied, my voice dripping with sarcasm as I stared at the photo.
“Hey! I am irresistible.”
“Wes, sweetheart, will you set the table for dinner?”
“Yeah, Mom, two minutes. I’m on the phone!”
“Alright, sweetie!”
“Hey, I better go. But I’ll talk to you guys later?” Wes asked, and I nodded in response.
“Great! See you soon, sweetheart! And Knox, be nice!” I waved goodbye, and Knox responded with, “I’m always nice!” causing me to snort in amusement. It was satisfying to see someone else recognize that he could be a handful.
I ended the call and looked back at the photo in silence. It was taken at a lighthouse near our house, my safe haven. We would sit at the top and watch the waves crash against the rocks on the shore.
I could’ve sat there for hours with him, just watching the water. It always calmed me. That’s why I surf.
I loved the feeling of my fingers skimming the surface of the water, the sensation of the waves lapping at my legs as I sat on my surfboard. The way the waves lifted me up and set me down as my board glided over them. That lighthouse was my childhood.
It was our secret place. He only took me there. I smiled at the photo, remembering the times we spent together.
“You miss him?” I turned to see Knox still propped up on my bed. I’d forgotten he was there.
“You’re still here?” I asked, tilting my head to the side. He flashed me his signature smile, and I crossed my arms, leaning back against
the table.
I looked down at the floor. “Yeah, I haven’t been here in three years. It just reminds me of him,” I admitted.
After a moment of silence, he asked, “Why now then?”
I looked up to meet his gaze, studying his expression for any hidden meaning behind his question. “Why do you care?” I asked nonchalantly. He shrugged in response.
Taking a deep breath, I walked over and sat on the edge of the bed, feeling his eyes on me. “Sam. The wedding. My family,” I said, explaining my reasons for returning. “She needs my help with planning, and it’s hard to do over the phone, FaceTime, and emails.”
There was a knock at my door, and we both turned to see who it was.
“Hey! Can I come in and we get ready for dinner together? You can help me choose an outfit and I’ll help you choose one too?”
I nodded in response, and Andy sprinted back to her room to gather her things. I turned back to Knox, who was staring at me with a blank expression.
“I can take you to visit him if you’d like,” he offered, surprising me with his kindness.
I shook my head. “Thanks, but I’m not ready for that yet.”
He nodded in understanding. “This is the second time you’ve thanked me today. Not that I’m not grateful, but it’s kind of freaking me
out a little.”
I laughed softly at his honesty. Looking up, I met his genuine smile. “Don’t get used to it,” I retorted playfully.
Just then, Andy returned, practically lugging her entire suitcase. Knox took this as his cue to leave. He paused at the door, as if he wanted to say something else, but instead, he simply walked out, closing the door behind him.
For once, we’d had a pleasant conversation. I knew it wouldn’t happen again, but it was nice while it lasted.
“What was that about?” Andy asked, not looking up from her suitcase.
“No idea,” I replied, walking over to help her choose an outfit, effectively dismissing her question.
After two hours, freshly shaved legs, and two hot showers, we had our hair and makeup done. All that was left was to change into our dinner clothes.
I chose a loose blue jumper that hung off one shoulder, black skinny jeans, and icy grey thigh-high boots that made my legs look longer than they were. Andy opted for a red string top, light blue skinny jeans, and patent black stiletto heels that looked painful but she could strut in them like a pro.
Giving ourselves one last look in the mirror, we fluffed our hair and made our way to the kitchen to help with dinner. It was a tradition for all the ladies in the house to help with holiday meal preparations. We always had a blast, gossiping, bitching, and dancing to whatever song came on the speakers. Tonight was no different.
As we entered the kitchen, we heard a whistle from the boys, who were chugging beers and discussing sports at the table.
“Well, ladies, glad you could bring your sexy selves downstairs,” Brett flirted, earning a heated glare from Kyle.
Their eyes were practically glued to us, as if they’d never seen a girl before. I glanced at Knox, who was clearly looking at me over the bottle he was sipping from.
He was reclining in the chair, a smirk etched on his face. Damn, he looked good all cleaned up.
Wait, why should I care?
I don’t. Moving on!
“Alex! Could you mash the potatoes and Andy, would you mind making the cranberry sauce?” Delilah requested, and we both nodded. heading off to complete our assigned tasks.
I hauled the pot over to the counter and began mashing the potatoes. This was going to take a while, or they’d have to settle for lumpy mash! Lena put on Shania Twain’s “Man I Feel Like a Woman,” and we all sang along.
This song was always our go-to when we were cooking. It was my mom’s karaoke anthem, and she belted it out like no one was watching.
