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Well, that was different. I released a breath I didn’t realize I was holding and leaned my head back against the headrest. I could feel Knox glancing at me every now and then as he drove.
“Hey,” he said softly. I turned to face him, bending one knee and placing my leg underneath the other.
“That was cute, baby doll.” My eyebrows shot up in surprise. Cute?
“Yeah, she was cute, wasn’t she?”
“Yeah, she was, but so were you,” his eyes met mine as he placed his hand on my thigh, continuing to drive. I lifted his hand from my leg and placed it back on the gear stick.
He shot me a smirk, causing me to avert my gaze to the window. I felt his hand sneak back onto my leg.
I tried to suppress a smile, but it was futile. The truth was, his touch was comforting, and the warmth of his hand on my leg was soothing.
“Did you get a number?” I asked, not turning to look at him. I was watching the passersby outside the car window, each one wrapped up in their own world.
“Did I what?”
“Get a number? From one of the girls in the store?” I finally turned to face him. He wore a slight frown, but his eyes remained on the road. I wasn’t sure why I asked; the question just slipped out.
“No, I wasn’t interested,” he stated plainly. This prompted me to snort in disbelief and turn away from him again.
“I didn’t, Alex!” I snapped my head back around at his sharp tone. His face was etched with annoyance. “I wasn’t interested in them. They’re not my type.”
“Type? Girls are your type, Knox. Anything with two sets of lips is your type,” I laughed, which only seemed to irritate him further.
“Alex, I don’t like you thinking of me like that. I’m serious!”
“Why? It’s true, isn’t it? Knox Carter, world’s greatest womanizer. Has a nice ring to it, don’t you think? You had them falling all over you in there. I’m sure all five of them would’ve taken you then and there.”
He abruptly parked the car at the side of the street and turned to face me, giving me his full attention.
“Alex, please stop thinking of me like that. I’m not a womanizer, and I hate that you think of me like that. I know you’re trying to rile me up, baby doll! So stop.”
“You brought this on yourself, Carter! Sleeping around with half of this city. I’m only going by what you put out there. I’m not trying to rile you up, I’m just stating facts.
You’re in every magazine with a new girl on your arm every week, so how can I not assume you’re a womanizer when it’s plastered everywhere.
You did it all the time in high school, and you’re still doing it now. Girls are pining for your attention all the time. Don’t act like you
don’t love it.
You practically eat this up everywhere you go. So don’t pull the ‘please pity me, Alex’ crap with me. I’m not stupid, I won’t fall for it!”
The silence that followed was heavy. This is what always happens between us; we always nose and sighed, his eyes closed.
He relaxed and looked at me with hooded eyes.
end up fighting. He pinched the bridge of his
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“Believe me when I say that, that’s the old me. I’m not like that anymore. Please, Alex. Don’t think of me like that anymore.” His look was pleading, and I started to feel bad for what I’d said.
But he was everywhere, how could I not believe it? He was the same in high school. I saw it with my own eyes.
“Knox, it might be the old you. But, actions speak louder than words. And why do you care about my opinion of you?”
He took my hands in his, giving them a tight squeeze. He leaned into me and kissed my forehead. Feeling his hot breath on my skin, my eyes widened in shock. I sat there, frozen.
“I just do, baby doll… I just do,” was all he said before turning back to the driver’s seat and driving off again. I remained frozen as the
car started to move.
I felt as though my body was anchored to the street and the car was moving away from me. Why does he keep doing things like this? It’s so confusing.
The silence between us was thick. The low murmur of the radio in the background allowed me to drift away with my own thoughts. Celine Dion’s “The Power of Love” was playing softly.
I began to hum along to it, turning the dial to raise the volume so I could sing along. This was my grandparents’ favorite song to dance to. I smiled at the memories of listening to the song.
I remembered them dancing together on an empty dance floor at Cole’s wedding while I sat at the table, admiring the love they had for each other.
I leaned my head back, singing softly to the song while allowing the memories to play in my head.
I smiled to myself, momentarily forgetting where I was. Feeling a hand on my leg once more, I turned to Knox, who wore a soft expression on his face. I closed my eyes to hide my embarrassment.
“Don’t stop,” his voice was gentle, catching me off guard.
I opened one eye to see him shifting his gaze between me and the road. I repositioned myself in my seat, looking back out the window.
This was so awkward.
“Baby doll. Don’t stop.”
I sat there in silence, not moving or saying a word. His hand began to rub my leg up and down.
“You always had a great voice, baby doll. Please don’t stop,” he pleaded, but I didn’t want to sing anymore. In fact, I wanted to turn the radio off, and that’s exactly what I did.
“Alex, please say something.”
It was a few moments before I answered.
1
“Something.” I heard a light chuckle from him. We stopped at a red light and waited in traffic. I heard the seatbelt being stretched and felt his arm rest against my side.
Still not turning around, I felt his hand move the hair from my face and he kissed my cheek. My breath hitched in my throat and I felt a warmth spread through me.
My heart was pounding, a rhythm that echoed the proximity of his body. This was a sensation I shouldn’t be experiencing. He was my brother’s best friend, just like Wes. I couldn’t allow myself to feel this way. It was wrong.
If we were discovered, we’d both be in deep trouble. But why was I reacting so strongly to him? It wasn’t the first time he’d touched
me, or even kissed me.
“Are you hungry?” he murmured into my hair, his nose barely grazing my skin. I nodded, finally summoning the courage to meet his gaze. Our eyes locked, his darting back and forth between mine.
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“Thanks! It’s nice to meet you. You’re much taller in person…” I tuned out the rest of her conversation. I didn’t want to be here anymore. This was just too much.
He sat back down a few minutes later, a napkin with her number scrawled on it in his hand.
I continued to swirl my ice around the glass, hoping to distract myself. I pulled my legs up onto the chair in the booth we were occupying and crossed them over.
Leaning back against the chair, I began to play with the hem of my top. I felt so uncomfortable.
Silence.
His pizza arrived ten minutes later and was placed in front of him. The waitress refilled his water and completely ignored me.
God, I felt like shit.
My heart felt like it was sinking into my stomach.
I know it might seem like I was overreacting, but being ignored because you’re with someone who is seen as a god while you feel like a piece of trash doesn’t feel good.
In fact, it feels like a constant kick to the gut.
He watched me as we waited for my food to arrive, but I told him to go ahead and eat. My pasta and shrimp couldn’t be far behind. How long could it possibly take to cook?
Five minutes passed, then ten, then fifteen. He’d nearly finished his pizza, and I was still waiting for my food. The waitress returned to
check on us.
He nodded, and I finally spoke up, my hunger and frustration getting the better of me.
“Um, excuse me. I was wondering how much longer it’ll take for my food to come out?” I asked, my tone slightly bitter.
For the first time since I’d sat down, she looked at me, and the realization dawned on her face. She finally understood that I’d been sitting here for quite a while.
She pulls out her notepad, flipping through it with a furrowed brow. I watch as her gaze flickers between me and the notepad, before finally settling on Knox.
Really? Ignoring me. Aguin.
“Um, I don’t seem to have an order for you,” she says, her voice laced with uncertainty. “Let me check with the kitchen.” My brow arches in response, irritation simmering beneath the surface. Please tell me she just forgot to write it down, but still gave the order to the kitchen.
My jaw clenches, my fingers gripping the glass of water in front of me as if it were her neck.
She saunters back to our table, her hips swaying with each step. “I’m sorry, but the kitchen doesn’t have any other order for this table other than a… Sizzler pizza,” she says, glancing down at her notepad once more,
“But I can place an order for you if you’d like? I can get you a menu?”
“For me to tell you my order again and for you to forget it or forget the fact that I’ve been sitting Here the entire time? Nah, I’m good, but thanks.” I stand, my patience worn thin, and shoot her a pointed look.
“I’ve lost my appetite. I’ll meet you at the car,” I tell Knox, who’s looking at me with pity etched across his face. He stands too, taking my hand and pulling me back towards him.
“Alex, here are the keys. Wait for me in the car. I’ll pay and then I’ll take you home,” he assures me. But his words do nothing to soothe the sting of being ignored. Forgotten. It’s a feeling all too familiar from my high school days.
I feel like shit.
As I push open the door to leave, the paparazzi swarm, their shouts echoing in my ears as I make my way to the car. I slip into the passenger seat, locking the doors until a knock on the driver’s side window breaks the silence. I open the door and Knox slips in. I hand him the keys, but say nothing.
The silence stretches between us. He tries to start a conversation, but I don’t respond. Not because I’m angry, but because I’m fighting
back tears.
Tears that have been threatening to fall ever since I was alone in the car. We arrive at my house and I get out immediately. Knox follows, barely taking the time to remove the keys from the ignition.
He grabs my arms, spinning me around to face him, and that’s when the first tear falls. “Alex, I’m sor-“His voice trails off as he loosens his grip and I turn to walk inside.
I leave the door wide open, knowing Delilah will be here soon and he will want to see his mom. I rush up the stairs, making a beeline for my room before any more tears can fall.
Why am I crying? What did you expect, Alex?
“Alex!” I hear Knox’s voice echo up the stairs, but I don’t want to talk to anyone.
I just want to go back to Culi right now. I run into my room, locking the door behind me. I slide down to the floor, my back against the door, and let the tears fall.
I sit there for a while, crying silently, the only sound my ragged breaths.
I just want to be left alone. I strip off my top and jeans, standing at the edge of my bed in my underwear.
I toss his jersey onto my desk and rummage through my drawers for an old NYPD shirt that’s large and cozy. I pull it on, then crawl into bed, the knocking and pleading from Knox to open the door a constant background noise.
I lay there for a few more minutes, listening to his breath outside the door. Then I hear my mom’s voice, followed by Delilah’s. They’re asking Knox what happened, and while he stays quiet for a while, they eventually coax the story out of him. I lie in bed, clutching a pillow, listening to my own steady breaths.
I’m still crying, my pillow soaked with tears. I could really use my grunddud right now.
I miss him.
I don’t know what time it is, but I’ve been lying in my bed for quite some time, staring out of my window as the sun begins to set.
1
“Alex, baby doll. Please let me in,” Knox pleads from the other side of the door. He’s been there since I locked myself in, refusing to leave despite Delilah’s numerous attempts to coax him downstairs.
He’ll give in eventually. I know he will. The smell of food wafts through the crack under my door, filling my room with its enticing aroma. But I can’t bring myself to leave. I’m not even hungry. I haven’t eaten anything since that cupcake this morning.
“Sis? Open up. It’s me,” Kyle’s voice filters through the door, followed by the sound of him trying to turn the knob.
I hear a series of sighs in the hallway, “I’ve tried to get her to open up ever since we came home. This is all my fault,” Knox admits, his voice heavy with guilt.
“Knox, it’s not your fault—”
“Yeah, it is, Sam! I let them all ignore her. I should’ve stood up for her! I should’ve been there for her and had her back, but no, I just sat there and let her take hit after hit. Fuck! I can’t get her face out of my head! This is all my fault!” His voice is filled with defeat.
The guilt he was carrying wasn’t his to bear. I knew he hadn’t made things any easier, and I had taken one hit after another. It wasn’t just one incident, it was a series of events that had unfolded throughout the day.
Everywhere we went, I was either overlooked or forgotten. My voice seemed to have deserted me, leaving me unable to express my feelings. I felt utterly depleted.
“Let’s give her some time. She’ll come around eventually,” Sam gently suggested to them. I knew my brothers were out there. Their footsteps were as familiar to me as my own heartbeat.
“I’m not budging from this spot, Sam,” Knox declared, his voice resolute. I hoped he wasn’t planning on camping out there all night. “I’m staying right here until she opens that damn door. I’ll stay all night if I have to.”
Well, that answered my question.
“Dude, you can’t seriously be planning to stay here all night? You can crash in the guest room, but you can’t just sleep out here on the floor,” Max reasoned, his voice echoing the sentiments of the others.
I knew Knox was stubborn enough to ignore everyone once he’d made up his mind. But I didn’t expect the next words that tumbled out of his mouth.
“I can and I will. I’ve been camping before, I’ve slept on worse floors. I can handle it.” And he did. He spent the entire night right
there.
Kyle joined him, sprawling out on the floor outside my room. Wes, Brett, and Tyler eventually followed suit. My mom was cursing up a storm after tripping over them multiple times during the night.
“I’ve tried reaching out to Hannah and Andy, but she’s not answering their calls or texts either. Hannah’s on her way over-ah, speak of the devil!” The sound of footsteps outside my door and the ensuing commotion told me Hannah had arrived.
“Fill me in, now!” she demanded, and they all recounted the day’s events. Knox’s voice was conspicuously absent. Had he left?
“Look, she’s not responding to me or Andy, which hasn’t happened in a long time. You guys should get some sleep. I’ll stay out here with her for a while. If I make any progress, I’ll let you know, okay?”
“No.”
So, he was still out there. As stubborn as ever.
“I’m not moving. I caused this. I need to fix this and make it up to her,” he insisted.
“Alex, can you make a noise so we know you’re okay and not lying dead on the floor?” Hannah’s voice came through the door, earning her a slap from someone.
“Ouch! Chill out, I’m just checking. We don’t need to break down the damn door, Kyle!”
I scanned my room for something to make noise with and picked up a pen, dropping it onto the wooden floor.
A collective sigh of relief echoed from the other side of the door. They could rest easy knowing I wasn’t lying in a pool of my own
blood.
After a while, their voices faded into a low murmur as they settled down for their impromptu sleepover in the hallway outside my
room.
My eyelids grew heavier with each passing minute, and soon, I surrendered to the pull of sleep. I was relieved to finally drift off after spending what felt like an eternity in my room.
I had no intention of leaving anytime soon. A deep, restful sleep was exactly what I needed after the day I’d had.
