Chapter 93
LANA
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I could feel the anxious flutter in my heart as I waited for my mate to respond to my question. Deep down, I was hoping he would finally admit his feelings for me instead of pushing me away once more.
I was done with these mind games. I just wanted us to come to terms with our desires and figure out a way to be together, even if it meant packing a bag and boarding a plane to start fresh.
“What difference would it make?” he asks, his eyes clouded with a profound sadness. “If I told you that I crave you like I’m starving for you every second of every fucking day, what difference would that make, Lana?”
His words made my heart skip a beat. While he was short of making a blatant confession, he was hinting that his feelings were real, just wrapped in layers of hesitation. All I needed was for my mate to tell me the truth, that was all.
“It would mean everything to me,” I whisper, leaning in closer. “It would show that I won’t give up on us. I’d keep fighting for what we have, no matter how hard you try to push me away.”
His jaw tightened. “That’s exactly what I don’t want. I don’t want you clinging to me like that. You’ll only end up hurt, Lana. I’m trying to protect you.”
I frowned; that reasoning made no sense at all.
Protect me? By marrying someone else and breaking my heart?
“How is it protecting me when my heart aches every day without you by my side, knowing you’ll soon be with someone else?” I challenged. “If anything, you’re causing me more pain Apollo. You don’t have a clue of what happens to me everytime I see you with Jada or any other woman for that matter.”
The anguish I felt each morning, waking up without him in my bed, was unbearable. Why couldn’t Apollo see the toll it was taking on me? I wanted us to be one, I wanted to be claimed by him–both body and soul.
How could he claim to be protecting me? What was there to protect me from his mother? How threatening could she really be? I knew that she often made insulting comments towards me but that was something I would learn to deal with if it meant being with him.
“Lana,” he growls, a hint of desperation in his voice. “I need you to leave. Right now.”
Why was he pushing me away again? I was trying my hardest to make us work.
“No,” I replied firmly, refusing to budge. “I won’t go until you give me a straight answer, Apollo. I need to know the truth. Please. Just tell me the truth, even if you feel like it will hurt me.”
He shook his head, refusing to say anything. I can’t help myself as I run a finger over his lips. I knew I shouldn’t but my body had a mind of its own right
now.
I could see the moment something inside him snapped. In an instant, he pulled me onto him, positioning me so I was straddling his lap.
“Do you see what this is doing to me, Lana?” he asked, frustration lacing his tone. “You walked into my room and found me on the floor, the entire time, who do you think was on my mind? Can’t you see how much this is messing with my head?”
I part my lips slightly, “I thought maybe you just had too much to drink. And of course, I do not know who is on your mind all of the time. I’m not a mind
reader.”
He pressed his forehead to mine, our lips just inches apart. “All I’ve had today is water, nothing more. You want to know if I have feelings for you? Fine. I’ll tell you”
I held my breath as I waited for him to answer me.
His eyes are dark with desire as he says in a low growl, “I’ve been yearning for you since the very first day we met.”
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Chapter 93
I gasp at his admission.
Since our first meeting?
That couldn’t be right. I remembered that day well; Apollo had acted like he despised me. How could he claim to have wanted me from the start? He barely wanted to look at me back then, and when he did, his glares were piercing.
“That is not true,” I remind him. “You hated me back then. I could see it in your eyes.”
“You have no idea what I was dealing with back home,” he confessed. “I had a lot on my plate, and my mother blamed your mom for tearing our family apart. You thought I hated you, but the truth was, I hated my feelings for you. I didn’t want to care because I knew my mother would never approve.”
That reality hadn’t changed; she still wouldn’t approve of me now. But we were older, and our feelings had only grown stronger. He couldn’t keep running away from this, or it would only get worse.
“So why did it take you so long to let something happen between us?” I demanded. “If you had shown even the slightest interest back then, I would have reciprocated.”
His eyes darkened, and he whispered, “Because, as I said before, it wouldn’t have mattered, Lana. It doesn’t matter how I feel. I have no intention of acting on it.”
How could he say that? It felt like he was throwing in the towel without giving us a fair chance.
I was not about to give up. Being this close to him, my body craved something that only he could give to me.
1 place my hand on his chest, wanting to get even closer to him. I knew that Apollo was still hesitant and trying to put distance between us. I wanted to stop that at all costs. I knew that there was still a chance for us, despite what he may think. I was ready to do whatever it took to make him see it my way.
“You may not have any intentions of acting on it but I am much different.” I say to him, making my intentions quite clear.
His eyes held a hint of a warning as my hands continued to roam.
“Don’t do that, Lana,” he warns, the dark longing in his eyes intensifying. “Don’t even think about starting something we both are not ready for.”
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